it matters.

college grad, family services major, wife to be, loving Jesus with reckless abandon.

Don’t Stop Dreaming

This was the topic of a conversation my husband and I had late one night whilst we both couldn’t sleep this weekend. What seems to be a regular topic as of late, I brought up once again work, stress, and being just plain tired. The last 2 months I’ve taken on the “buckle down and suck it up and push through” attitude to get through the stress of being sick, having a consuming job, and - I kid you not - dealing with this cold weather that is absolutely draining. My husband had a different thought about this all together. In very simple yet profound words he said, “But you stopped dreaming, and you need to dream, and dream big. Don’t stop dreaming.” Those words rang through my head the rest of the weekend and into my work week. And slowly, in the most subtlest of ways, I began dreaming again. Sometimes the quietest of reminders is all we need to show us that we’ve given into monotony and to break out of that self-imposed shell. So to all of you that may be tired and drained with the every day - stop merely getting by and start dreaming. I promise you won’t regret it. 

Puppy Adventures

So we got a puppy this weekend. We adore him and he is the cutest puppy on earth. Pictures will come! He is 9 weeks old and already our adorable little boy has been both a joy and little turd. Here is our latest discovery:

Ruthie (our puppy) acts just like a cranky toddler. He gets sleepy but fights napping (like a stubborn toddler), but then he gets overstimulated and gets cranky. So we try to put him down for a nap but he refuses whilst yawning. So then he putters around whining and cranky. (like a toddler). So we leave him alone and he looks smug for all of 3 minutes before he passes out asleep in the corner of the room. Of course. 

More puppy adventures to come in the following weeks.

I’m so in love with this dog. 

vvhitehouse:

aneastcoastbreeze:

vvhitehouse:

advantages to wearing oversized sweaters:

  • instant cute outfit with minimal effort
  • it enhances the coziness when u drink hot beverages
  • sweater paws are guaranteed to make u feel 43% more adorable
  • u can unbutton ur jeans and no one will know

disadvantages to wearing oversized sweaters:

Guys think they’re totally not cute lol

the day i dress for a man is the day they dress me in my coffin to see jesus

(via stirlingstuart)

Too brain tired to come up with a title, Title.

I used to arrogantly think I was going through ‘trial’ when I could foresee the outcome. I remember thinking, “man, this is rough, I feel terrible right now” when I knew pretty much for certain that my dramatically huge issue would be resolved rather quickly. When undoubtedly my trial would resolve itself, I would be grateful to have gone through that and felt refreshed that I learned some great life lesson. 

Now hear me: I’m not saying those type of struggles don’t hold value in our faith walk. They absolutely do. But they aren’t the worst thing a person can have happen - and that is where I was arrogant - because I thought they were. 

Over the last 4 years my questions to the universe, to God, have gotten more complicated. The last 4 years I have known what trial, true trial - for me- has been like. When in moments of complete and total brokenness I’ve cried out to my Savior asking, “Will this ever get better? Will I ever heal from the abuse I experienced? Will I start living and stop merely surviving? Will I ever learn to accept the love of a God I cannot even begin to comprehend? Will I ever stop being sick? Will it ever stop hurting so badly my soul feels ripped into a million little pieces?” These are the trials that have become familiar to me, the ones where I could see no possible foreeable outcome. The one where I had to make a choice: plunge into the dark abyss that is blind faith or die. There were many times that choice was as real as the words on this screen. I cannot sit here and tell you that I know why this has all happened, or what the purpose of it all will ultimately be. I do know that I have learned a great deal and I do know that each time I was carried through the darkness by only the sheer will of my Savior, I healed a little more, I grew a little more. 

I jokingly told my counselor that disasters tend to pile on all at once in my life. The first time she smiled and moved on. More recently, we have come to both agree that for some odd, inexplicable reason this seemed to be true. But here’s what it comes down to: I won’t give up, and I won’t stop fighting for life, and believe it or not, the joyful moments and blessings in between have been that much sweeter. The joy of knowing my husband, of having him fight by my side has been a gift more wonderful than I could have ever believed. In many ways we have been each other’s Aarons. When I or he have been too weary to keep our hands raised, to keep fighting to battle, the other has come along side and held up the other’s arms so that they wouldn’t fall (See Exodus 17:12). Time and time I’ve seen the Lord intervene so that my arms never fall down to my sides. 

How long will trial continue? I’m not sure. That’s not the point. The point is to continue living life, finding joy, and rejoicing with every blessing, however small. 

These are the things I’ve learned. 

“Who except God can give you peace? Has the world ever been able to satisfy the heart?”

—   Saint Gerard Majella (via nonelikejesus)

(Source: novenanerd, via nonelikejesus)

“Do you know what I need? To escape into the mountains, surrounded by tall trees, I will lay on the moss, and breathe in the scent of mushrooms, flowers and wet soil.”

—   L’ Échappée, Les Discrets (via nonelikejesus)

(Source: freyjageist, via nonelikejesus)

Discontentment is a State of Mind

It is easy for me to trick myself into the lie that what can make me content or happy is out of my reach. I tend to want what I cannot have at the moment and tack on my happiness to that thing. For example: having a husband, home, and steady job and a college graduate’s budget prevents me from picking up and traveling to some distant country and living there for an indefinite period of time with a disposable income. It’s just not realistic. Yet, I can tend to get restless and decide that I won’t be happy unless I can have that. 

What good is that to me? or to anyone else around my sour mood for that matter? The answer is that it isn’t good for me. 

Without sounding to “new agey” or whatever - contentment is what you decide to make of it. Contentment is never out of grasp. It only appears to be when we decide we cannot be content.

Contentment is so many things; many times contentment can be interchanged with peace. My definition of content me is this: a sense of calm and peace that radiates from within regardless of circumstance and free of influence.  Contentment need to be sought out at times - but I’ve found I never have to look as far as I originally thought. So here is a list of things that has given me this sense of calm and peace. That deep breath of air that fills my lungs and releases my stress and frustrations and discontentment. 

1. a cup of coffee and tea on an early morning or late afternoon with a book in hand.

2. waking up next to my husband without an alarm having gone off on a quiet snowy morning.

3. reorganizing a room to be more minimalist and inspirational.

4. a great coffee/tea date catching up with great friends.

5. baking something delicious.

6. learning a new piece of God’s character or Biblical truth through the reading of Scripture or theology

7. good morning kisses

8. discovering new musical artists

9. being present in that exact moment. {if you’ve never tried this, I highly recommend this. We are so easily in several places at once in our heads. It takes great intentionality to focus and concentrate on the present in the place we are physically in.}

10. putting together personalized care packages or presents for friends

What makes you content? What keeps you from believing you can be content where you are at? Because the truth is that the place we are in that moment is exactly where we are supposed to be. If we constantly live in the future - we miss the whole point of where we are now. Life is so beautiful, sometimes I just need a little reminder of that. 

Be it.

That person you want to be? Be it. Marriage is so completely not what I thought it was, yet it has been better than I could have imagined - harder, yes, but also richer and deeper than I could have comprehended. There is a freedom to be found, when you are found by someone in Christ, through Christ. We are Kingdom followers and Christ’s co-heirs. We are also trying to figure out what that all means. I do know that I’m living an adventure of a lifetime, and my thirst for the world is only kindled stronger now. 

At this point I’ve decided that life is most likely going to keep knocking me flat on my face. I’ve grown weary of standing back up. Last year I thought I wouldn’t get back up at all, and I did once again. I was weary, I still am. There is someone fighting by my side now though, and though that doesn’t change my circumstance, or his either, it helps. 

I am starting a new journey and I have no clue where it’s going to lead me. I know that my husband and I are in the capable hands of our Savior, and He promises to not lead us astray. I can’t wait to see where we will go. 

Well…I’m decending back into our married cave as newlyweds. I promise I’ll have a social life again soon, but for now, It’s just us two and I wouldn’t want it any other way. 

Cheers to the adventures we are given; the expected and unexpected ones. 

We are constantly changing

It blows my mind sometimes, how I somehow forget this detail and get caught up in whatever my life may consist of in that moment. I forget that life changes and I am changing. This self-imposed mental prison I place myself in, is merely a fiction of my imagination. wow, that came out a little more existential than I meant it to. In other, simpler words, I am not stuck. I hold the power to decided if I am stuck or not, and I am only as stuck as I make myself be. Whether it’s my job, or health, or living situation, whatever it is. The anxiety associated with these unchangeable factor’s stem from the idea that even if I wanted to escape, I couldn’t. Then it hit me…

Somewhere along the way I forgot how to be in love with life. I got stuck, not unreasonably so. I forgot how a cool breeze can carry stress away along with the specks of dusts you see floating in the golden afternoon sun. I forgot how re-charging a ray of sun can feel, if I simply stop for 10 seconds, and freeze the noise. The feeling of falling in love with my husband to be, as if for the very first time. I forgot to “find my geiger” which is code for finding a place and time that is considered getting away from everything bad in the world and finding peace. I forgot how great it felt to have my mother nearby, how healing that could be, how it feels to sip an amazing cup of tea, to bite into a gingerbread scone. I forgot so many things, and along with that, I forgot how to feel free, how to feel joy, not just happiness. I got lost. I forgot to take care of myself.

My circumstances may never change. I may never have a period in my life when I’m not fighting the battle of my life. There are scary things that now Josiah and I will fight together, real things. But I will not let it defeat me. I will not let it swallow me whole. I will not let myself stay stuck. and when I fail, which is undoubtedly will, I will get back up. I will keep fighting to continue to fall in love with life.

I am constantly changing, I am never stuck. 

close your eyes, take a deep breath, and slowly let go of all your fears. There is a God who loves you so, who gives everything for you. You are loved, you are cared for, you are safe, 

you are free.